man geekcode (1): generate geek code block

SYNOPSIS

geekcode

DESCRIPTION

So you think you are a geek, eh? The first step is to admit to yourself your geekiness. No matter what anyone says, geeks are people too; geeks have rights. So take a deep breath and announce to the world that you are a geek. Your courage will give you strength that will last you forever.

How to tell the world you are a geek, you ask? Use the universal Geek code! Using this special code will allow you to let other un-closeted geeks know who you are in a simple, codified statement.

The single best way to announce your geekhood is to add your geek code to your signature file or plan and announce it far and wide. But be careful, you may give other geeks the courage to come out of the closet. You might want to hang on to your copy of the code in order to help them along.

USAGE

The geek code consists of several categories. Each category is labeled with a letter and some qualifiers. Go through each category and determine which set of qualifiers best describes you in that category. By stringing all of these 'codes' together, you are able to construct your overall geek code. It is this single line of code that will inform other geeks the world over of what a great geek you actually are.

Some of the qualifiers will very probably not match with you exactly. It is impossible to cover all possibilities in each category. Simply choose that qualifier that most closely matches you. Also, some activities described in a specific qualifier you may not engage in, while you do engage in others. Each description of each qualifier describes the wide range of activities that apply, so as long as you match with one, you can probably use that qualifier.

After you have determined each of your qualifiers, you need to the construct your GEEK CODE BLOCK. Instructions are provided on how to do this towards the end of this file.

Also, pay particular attention to case-sensitivity, there can be a big difference between a w and a W.

Variables

Geeks can seldom be strictly quantified. To facilitate the fact that within any one category the geek may not be able to determine a specific rating, variables have been designed to allow this range to be included.

@: for this variable, said trait is not very rigid, may change with time or with individual interaction. For example, Geeks who happen to very much enjoy Star Trek: The Next Generation, but dislike the old 60's series might list themselves as t++@.
(): for indicating "cross-overs" or ranges. Geeks who go from C+ to C--- depending on the situation (i.e. mostly C+) could use C+(---). @ is different from () in that () has finite limits within the category, while @ ranges all over.
>: for 'wannabe' ratings. Indicating that while the geek is currently at one rating, they are striving to reach another. For example, C++>$ indicating a geek that is currently computer savvy, but wants to someday make money at it.
$: Indicates that this particular category is done for a living. For example, UL+++$ indicates that the person utilizes Unix and gets paid for it. Quite a lucky geek, for sure.
?: Unless stated otherwise within the specific category, the ? is placed after the category identifier and indicates that the geek has no knowledge about that specific category. For example, a person that has never even heard of Babylon 5, would list their Babylon 5 category as 5?
!: Placed BEFORE the category. Unless stated otherwise, indicates that the person refuses to participate in this category. This is unlike the ? variable as the ? indicates lack of knowledge, while the ! indicates stubborn refusal to participate. For example, !E would be a person that just plain refuses to have anything to do with Emacs, while E? would be a person that doesn't even know what Emacs is.

Types of Geeks

Geeks come in many flavors. The flavors relate to the vocation (or, if a student, what they are training in) of the particular geek. To start a code, a geek must declare himself or herself to be a geek. To do this, we start the code with a "G" to denote "GEEK", followed by one or two letters to denote the geek's occupation or field of study. Multi-talented geeks with more than one vocational training should denote their myriad of talents with a slash between each vocation (example: GCS/MU/TW).


GB: Geek of Business
GC: Geek of Classics
GCA: Geek of Commercial Arts
GCM: Geek of Computer Management
GCS: Geek of Computer Science
GCC: Geek of Communications
GE: Geek of Engineering
GED: Geek of Education
GFA: Geek of Fine Arts
GG: Geek of Government
GH: Geek of Humanities
GIT: Geek of Information Technology
GJ: Geek of Jurisprudence (Law)
GLS: Geek of Library Science
GL: Geek of Literature
GMC: Geek of Mass Communications
GM: Geek of Math
GMD: Geek of Medicine
GMU: Geek of Music
GPA: Geek of Performing Arts
GP: Geek of Philosophy
GS: Geek of Science (Physics, Chemistry, Biology, etc.)
GSS: Geek of Social Science (Psychology, Sociology, etc.)
GTW: Geek of Technical Writing
GO: Geek of Other. Some types of geeks deviate from the normal geek activities. This is encouraged as true geeks come from all walks of life.
GU: Geek of 'Undecided'. This is a popular vocation with incoming freshmen.
G!: Geek of no qualifications. A rather miserable existence, you would think.
GAT: Geek of All Trades. For those geeks that can do anything and everything. GAT usually precludes the use of other vocational descriptors.

Appearance

They say you never get a second chance to make a first impression. That seems to be ample justification to invent a time machine; just to play with the minds of the people that make up these silly sayings. Nevertheless, until we completely understand temporal mechanics and can get both a DeLorean and a Flux Capacitor in the same place at the same time at 88 miles an hour, we need to understand that how we look is a mark that will effect us for the rest of our lives, or at least until we change clothes.

The Geek, of course, doesn't believe any of that crap. How we look has little to do with what we are inside, and who we are as people. Yet, people still want to know what we look like. Thus, this section allows you to list out all the relevant traits about what you look like on a normal geeky day.

Dress

It is said that "clothes make the man". Well, I understood that I was made by a mommy and a daddy (and there's even a category to describe the process below!). Maybe the people who made up that saying aren't being quite that literal...

d++: I tend to wear conservative dress such as a business suit or worse, a tie.
d+: Good leisure-wear. Slacks, button-shirt, etc. No jeans, tennis shoes, or t-shirts.
d: I dress a lot like those found in catalog ads. Bland, boring, without life or meaning.
d-: I'm usually in jeans and a t-shirt.
d--: My t-shirts go a step further and have a trendy political message on them.
d---: Punk dresser, including, but not limited to, torn jeans and shirts, body piercings, and prominent tattoos.
dx: Cross Dresser
d?: I have no idea what I am wearing right now, let alone what I wore yesterday.
!d: No clothing. Quite a fashion statement, don't you think?
dpu: I wear the same clothes all the time, no matter the occasion, forgetting to do laundry between wearings.

Shape

Geeks come in many shapes and sizes. Shape code is divided into two parts. The first indicates height, while the second indicates roundness. Mix each section to fit yourself. Examples include: s:++, s++:, s++:--.

s+++:+++: I usually have to duck through doors/I take up three movie seats.
s++:++: I'm a basketball/linebacker candidate.
s+:+: I'm a little taller/rounder than most.
s:: I'm an average geek
s-:-: I look up to most people. Everyone tells me to gain a few pounds.
s--:--: I look up to damn near everybody. I tend to have to fight against a strong breeze.
s---:---: I take a phone book with me when I go out so I can see to eat dinner. My bones are poking through my skin.

Age

The only way to become a true geek is through practice and experience. To this end, your age becomes an important part of your geekiness. Use the qualifiers below to show your age (in Terran years). Also, please use BASE 10 numbers.

In addition, if you wish to give your exact age, you can place the number after the 'a' identifier. For example: a42

a+++: 60 and up
a++: 50-59
a+: 40-49
a: 30-39
a-: 25-29
a--: 20-24
a---: 15-19
a----: 10-14
a-----: 9 and under (Geek in training?)
a?: immortal
!a: it's none of your business how old I am

COMPUTERS

There is a record of geeks that don't use computers. Unfortunately, they are all dead, having lived in an era of no computers. All modern geeks have some exposure to computers. If you don't know what a computer is, you need to go back into your shell.

Computers

Most geeks identify themselves by their use of computers and computer networks. In order to quantify your geekiness level on computers, consult the following (consider the term 'computers' synonymous with 'computer network'). This category represents "general" computer aptitude. Categories below will get into specifics.

C++++: I'll be first in line to get the new cybernetic interface installed into my skull.
C+++: You mean there is life outside of Internet? You're shittin' me! I haven't dragged myself to class in weeks.
C++: Computers are a large part of my existence. When I get up in the morning, the first thing I do is log myself in. I play games or mud on weekends, but still manage to stay off of academic probation.
C+: Computers are fun and I enjoy using them. I play a mean game of DOOM! and can use a word processor without resorting to the manual too often. I know that a 3.5" disk is not a hard disk. I also know that when it says 'press any key to continue', I don't have to look for a key labeled 'ANY'.
C: Computers are a tool, nothing more. I use it when it serves my purpose.
C-: Anything more complicated than my calculator and I'm screwed.
C--: Where's the on switch?
C---: If you even mention computers, I will rip your head off!

UNIX

It seems that a Unix-based operating system is the OS of choice among most geeks. In addition to telling us about your Unix abilities, you can also show which specific Unix OS you are using. To accomplish this, you include a letter showing the brand with your rating. For example: UL++++ would indicate a sysadmin running Linux.

B: BSD (use this unless your BSDish system is mentioned below)
L: Linux
U: Ultrix
A: AIX
V: SysV
H: HPUX
I: IRIX
O: OSF/1 (aka Digital Unix)
S: Sun OS/Solaris
C: SCO Unix
X: NeXT
*: Some other one not listed

U++++
I am the sysadmin. If you try and crack my machine don't be surprised if the municipal works department gets an "accidental" computer-generated order to put start a new landfill on your front lawn or your quota is reduced to 4K.
U+++
I don't need to crack /etc/passwd because I just modified su so that it doesn't prompt me. The admin staff doesn't even know I'm here. If you don't understand what I just said, this category does NOT apply to you!
U++
I've get the entire admin ticked off at me because I am always using all of the CPU time and trying to run programs that I don't have access to. I'm going to try cracking /etc/passwd next week, just don't tell anyone.
U+
I not only have a Unix account, but I slam VMS any chance get.
U
I have a Unix account to do my stuff in
U-
I have a VMS account.
U--
I've seen Unix and didn't like it. DEC rules!
U---
Unix geeks are actually nerds in disguise.

Perl

If you enjoy at least U++ status you have to know about Perl, so you might as well rate yourself in this sub-category. Non-Unix geeks don't know what they're missing.

P+++++: I am Larry Wall, Tom Christiansen, or Randal Schwartz.
P++++: I don't write Perl, I speak it. Perl has superseded all other programming languages. I firmly believe that all programs can be reduced to a Perl one-liner. I use Perl to achieve U+++ status.
P+++: Perl is a very powerful programming tool. Not only do I no longer write shell scripts, I also no longer use awk or sed. I use Perl for all programs of less than a thousand lines.
P++: Perl is a powerful programming tool. I don't write shell scripts anymore because I write them in Perl.
P+: I know of Perl. I like Perl. I just haven't learned much Perl, but it is on my agenda.
P: I know Perl exists, but that's all.
P-: What's Perl got that awk and sed don't have?
P--: Perl users are sick, twisted programmers who are just showing off.
P---: Perl combines the power of sh, the clarity of sed, and the performance of awk with the simplicity of C. It should be banned.
P!: Our paranoid admin won't let us install Perl! Says it's a "hacking tool".

Linux

Linux is a hacker-written operating system virtually identical to Unix. It was written for and continues to run on your standard 386/486/Pentium PC, but has also been ported to other systems. Because it is still a young OS, and because it is continually evolving from hacker changes and support, it is important that the geek list his Linux ability.

L+++++: I am Linus, grovel before me.
L++++: I am a Linux wizard. I munch C code for breakfast and have enough room left over for a kernel debugging. I have so many patches installed that I lost track about ten versions ago. Linux newbies consider me a net.god.
L+++: I use Linux exclusively on my system. I monitor comp.os.linux.* and even answer questions sometimes.
L++: I use Linux ALMOST exclusively on my system. I've given up trying to achieve Linux.God status, but welcome the OS as a replacement for DOS. I only boot to DOS to play games.
L+: I've managed to get Linux installed and even used it a few times. It seems like it is just another OS.
L: I know what Linux is, but that's about all
L-: I have no desire to use Linux and frankly don't give a rats patootie about it. There are other, better, operating systems out there. Like Mac, DOS, or Amiga-OS. Or, better yet even, would be another free Unix OS like FreeBSD.
L--: Unix sucks. Because Linux = Unix. Linux Sucks. I worship Bill Gates.
L---: I am Bill Gates.

Emacs

GNU Emacs is the do-all be-everything editor/operating system available for just about every computer architecture out there.

E+++: Emacs is my login shell!! M-x doctor is my psychologist! I use emacs to control my TV and toaster oven! All you vi people don't know what you're missing! I read alt.religion.emacs, alt.sex.emacs, and comp.os.emacs.
E++: I know and use elisp regularly!
E+: Emacs is great! I read my mail and news with it!
E: Yeah, I know what emacs is, and use it as my regular editor.
E-: Emacs is too big and bloated for my tastes
E--: Emacs is just a fancy word processor
E---: Emacs sucks! vi forever!!!
E----: Emacs sucks! pico forever!!!

World Wide Web

It's relatively new. It's little understood. Everybody's doing it. How much of a web-surfer are you?

W+++: I am a WebMaster . Don't even think about trying to view my homepage without the latest version of Netscape. When I'm not on my normal net connection, I surf the web using my Newton and a cellular modem.
W++: I have a homepage. I surf daily. My homepage is advertised in my .signature.
W+: I have the latest version of Netscape, and wander the web only when there's something specific I'm looking for.
W: I have a browser and a connection. Occasionally I'll use them.
W-: The web is really a pain. Life was so much easier when you could transfer information by simple ASCII. Now everyone won't even consider your ideas unless you spiff them up with bandwidth-consuming pictures and pointless information links.
W--: A pox on the Web! It wastes time and bandwidth and just gives the uneducated morons a reason to clutter the Internet.

USENET News

Usenet, a global collection of flaming opinions and senseless babble, was designed as a way to eat up precious spool space on a system's hard drive. It also is a way for people to distribute pornography.

N++++: I am Tim Pierce
N+++: I read so many newsgroups that the next batch of news comes in before I finish reading the last batch, and I have to read for about 2 hours straight before I'm caught up on the morning's news. Then there's the afternoon...
N++: I read all the news in a select handful of groups.
N+: I read news recreationally when I have some time to kill.
N: Usenet News? Sure, I read that once
N-: News is a waste of my time and I avoid it completely
N--: News sucks! 'Nuff said.
N---: I work for Time Magazine.
N----: I am a Scientologist.
N*: All I do is read news

USENET Oracle

(Info taken from the Usenet Oracle Help File) Throughout the history of mankind, there have been many Oracles who have been consulted by many mortals, and some immortals. The great Hercules was told by the Gelphic Oracle to serve Eurystheus, king of Mycenae, for twelve years to atone for the murder of his own children. It was the Oracle of Ammon who told King Cepheus to chain his daughter Andromeda to the rocks of jappa to appease the terrible sea monster that was ravaging the coasts. That solution was never tested, though, as Perseus saved the girl in the nick of time.

With the advent of the electronic age, and especially high-speed e-mail communication, the spirit of the Oracles found a new outlet, and we now recognize another great Oracle, the Usenet Oracle.

For more information, check out the newsgroups rec.humor.oracle and rec.humor.oracle.d or the FTP archives at cs.indiana.edu:/pub/oracle. Additional information and instructions can be found by sending an e-mail message with the subject of 'help' to [email protected].

o+++++: I am Steve Kinzler
o++++: I am an active Priest
o+++: I was a Priest, but have retired.
o++: I have made the Best Of Oracularities.
o+: I have been incarnated at least once.
o: I've submitted a question, but it has never been incarnated.
o-: I sent my question to the wrong group and got flamed.
o--: Who needs answers from a bunch of geeks anyhow?

Kibo

Kibo is. That is all that can be said. If you don't understand, read alt.religion.kibology

K++++++: I am Kibo
K+++++: I've had sex with Kibo
K++++: I've met Kibo
K+++: I've gotten mail from Kibo
K++: I've read Kibo
K+: I like Kibo
K: I know who Kibo is
K-: I don't know who Kibo is
K--: I dislike Kibo
K---: I am currently hunting Kibo down with the intent of ripping his still-beating heart out of his chest and showing it to him as he dies
K----: I am Xibo

Microsoft Windows

A good many geeks suffer through the use of various versions of Microsoft's Windows running on or as a replacement for DOS. Rate your Windows Geekiness.

w+++++: I am Bill Gates
w++++: I have Windows, Windows 95, Windows NT, and Windows NT Advanced Server all running on my SMP RISC machine. I haven't seen daylight in six months.
w+++: I am a MS Windows programming god. I wrote a VxD driver to allow MS Windows and DOS to share the use of my waffle iron. P.S. Unix sux.
w++: I write MS Windows programs in C and think about using C++ someday. I've written at least one DLL.
w+: I have installed my own custom sounds, wallpaper, and screen savers so my PC walks and talks like a fun house. Oh yeah, I have a hundred TrueType(tm) fonts that I've installed but never used. I never lose Minesweeper and Solitaire
w: Ok, so I use MS Windows, I don't have to like it.
w-: I'm still trying to install MS Windows and have at least one peripheral that never works right
w--: MS Windows is a joke operating system. Hell, it's not even an operating system. NT is Not Tough enough for me either. 95 is how may times it will crash an hour.
w---: Windows has set back the computing industry by at least 10 years. Bill Gates should be drawn, quartered, hung, shot, poisoned, disembowelled, and then REALLY hurt.

OS/2

The operating system that looks a lot like Windows, acts a lot like Windows, but is much better than Windows.

O+++: I live, eat and breathe OS/2. All of my hard drives are HPFS. I am the Anti-Gates.
O++: I use OS/2 for all my computing needs. I use some DOS and Windows programs, but run them under OS/2. If the program won't run under OS/2, then obviously I don't need it.
O+: I keep a DOS partition on my hard drive "just in case". I'm afraid to try HPFS.
O: I finally managed to get OS/2 installed but wasn't too terribly impressed.
O-: Tried it, didn't like it.
O--: I can't even get the thing to install!
O---: Windows RULES!!! Long live Bill Gates. (See w++++)
O----: I am Bill Gates of Borg. OS/2 is irrelevant.

Macintosh

Many geeks have abandoned the character-based computer altogether and moved over to the Macintosh. It in important to give notification of your Mac rating.

M++: I am a Mac guru. Anything those DOS putzes and Unix nerds can do, I can do better, and if not, I'll write the damn software to do it.
M+: A Mac has it's uses and I use it quite often.
M: I use a Mac, but I'm pretty indifferent about it.
M-: Macs suck. All real geeks have a character prompt.
M--: Macs do more than suck. They make a user stupid by allowing them to use the system without knowing what they are doing. Mac weenies have lower IQs than the fuzz in my navel.

VMS

Many geeks use the VMS operating system by DEC for all of their mainframe and network activity.

V+++: I am a VMS sysadmin. I wield far more power than those UNIX admins, because UNIX can be found on any dweeb's desktop. Power through obscurity is my motto.
V++: Unix is a passing fad compared to the real power in the universe, my VMS system.
V+: I tend to like VMS better than Unix
V: I've used VMS.
V-: Unix is much better than VMS for my computing needs.
V--: I would rather smash my head repeatedly into a brick wall than suffer the agony of working with VMS. It's reminiscent of a dead and decaying pile of moose droppings. Unix rules the universe.

POLITICS

The last few years has seen the rise of the political geek. This phenomena is little understood, but some theorize that it has come about because of the popular media's attempts to demonize the Internet and computer use in general, and the government's willingness to go along with it. Others propose that the aging geek population has simply started taking an interest in the world around them. Some support the "Sun Spot" theory.

Political and Social Issues

We live is a society where everyone not only has a right to, but is expected to, whine and complain about everyone else. Rate where, in general, your political views on different social issues fall.

PS+++: Legalize drugs! Abolish the government. "Fuck the draft!"
PS++: I give to liberal causes. I march for gay rights. I'm a card carrying member of the ACLU. Keep abortion safe and legal.
PS+: My whole concept of liberalism is that nobody has the right to tell anybody else what to do, on either side of the political fence. If you don't like it, turn the bloody channel.
PS: I really don't have an opinion; nobody's messing with my freedoms right now.
PS-: Label records! Keep dirty stuff off the TV and the Internet.
PS--: Oppose sex education, abortion rights, gay rights. Rush Limbaugh is my spokesman.
PS---: Repent left-wing sinners and change your wicked evil ways. Buchanan/Robertson in '96.

Politics and Economic Issues

Social and economic attitudes are seldom on the same side of the political fence. Of course, most geeks don't really care much about economics; having no money left after buying new computer toys.

PE+++: Abolish antitrust legislation. Raise taxes on everyone but the rich so that the money can trickle-down to the masses.
PE++: Keep the government off the backs of businesses. Deregulate as much as possible.
PE+: Balance the budget with spending cuts and an amendment.
PE: Distrust both government and business.
PE-: It's ok to increase government spending, so we can help more poor people. Tax the rich! Cut the defense budget!
PE--: Capitalism is evil! Government should provide the services we really need. Nobody should be rich.

Cypherpunks

With the birth of the overused buzzword "The Information Superhighway", concerns over privacy from evil governmental bad-guys{tm} has led to the formation of of an unofficial, loosely organized band of civil libertarians who spend much of their time discussing how to ensure privacy in the information future. This group is known by some as "cypherpunks" (by others, as anarchistic subversives). To this end, tell us how punkish you are.

Y+++: I am T.C. May
Y++: I am on the cypherpunks mailing list and active around Usenet. I never miss an opportunity to talk about the evils of Clipper and ITAR and the NSA. Orwell's 1984 is more than a story, it is a warning to our's and future generations. I'm a member of the EFF.
Y+: I have an interest and concern in privacy issues, but in reality I am not really all that active or vocal.
Y: I'm pretty indifferent on the whole issue.
Y-: It seems to me that all of these concerns are a little extreme. I mean, the government must be able to protect itself from criminals and the populace from indecent speech.
Y--: Get a life. The only people that need this kind of protection are people with something to hide. I think cypherpunks are just a little paranoid.
Y---: I am L. Detweiler.

PGP

Pretty Good Privacy (aka PGP) is a program available on many platforms that will encrypt files so that prying eyes (particularly governmental) can't look at them.

PGP++++: I am Philip Zimmerman
PGP+++: I don't send or answer mail that is not encrypted, or at the very least signed. If you are reading this without decrypting it first, something is wrong. IT DIDN'T COME FROM ME!
PGP++: I have the most recent version and use it regularly
PGP+: "Finger me for my public key"
PGP: I've used it, but stopped long ago.
PGP-: I don't have anything to hide.
PGP--: I feel that the glory of the Internet is in the anarchic, trusting environment that so nurtures the exchange of information. Encryption just bogs that down.
PGP---: If you support encryption on the Internet, you must be a drug dealer or terrorist or something like that.
PGP----: Oh, here is something you all can use that is better (insert Clipper here).

ENTERTAINMENT

Geeks love to play. No matter their age, all geeks enjoy playing. Of course, the object of this entertainment takes a myriad of different forms. What is it that pushes a geek to play? Is it simply a desire to relive their childhood? Or perhaps there is a piece of geeky genetic code that requires intellectual stimulation. Who knows, maybe it's a Freudian thing...

Star Trek

Most geeks have an undeniable love for the Star Trek television show (in any of its different incarnations). Because GEEK is often synonymous with TREKKIE (real geeks aren't so anal as to label themselves TREKKER), it is important that all geeks list their Trek rating.

t+++: It's not just a TV show, it's a religion. I know all about warp field dynamics and the principles behind the transporter. I have memorized the TECH manual. I speak Klingon. I go to cons with Vulcan ears on. I have no life.
t++: It's the best show around. I have all the episodes and the movies on tape and can quote entire scenes verbatim. I've built a few of the model kits too. But you'll never catch me at one of those conventions. Those people are kooks.
t+: It's a damn fine TV show and is one of the only things good on television any more.
t: It's just another TV show
t-: Maybe it is just me, but I have no idea what the big deal with Star Trek is. Perhaps I'm missing something but I just think it is bad drama.
t--: Star Trek is just another Space Opera. William Shatner isn't an actor, he's a poser! And what's with this Jean-Luc Picard? A Frenchman with a British accent? Come on. Isn't Voyager just a rehash of Lost in Space? Has Sisko even breathed in the last two seasons? Come on. I'd only watch this show if my remote control broke.
t---: Star Trek SUCKS! It is the worst crap I have ever seen! Hey, all you trekkies out there, GET A LIFE! (William Shatner is a t---)
t*: I identify with Barclay, the greatest of the Trek Geeks.

Babylon 5

For many years, Sci-Fi geeks have wished for a television show that would overcome the limitations of Star Trek. For many, a show called Babylon 5 has met that demand, with a deep storyline, exciting characters and state-of-the-art computer generated effects.

5++++: I am J. Michael Straczynski
5+++: I am a True Worshipper of the Church of Joe who lives eats breathes and thinks Babylon 5, and has Evil thoughts about stealing Joe's videotape archives just to see episodes earlier. I am planning to break into the bank and steal the triple-encoded synopsis of the 5-year arc.
5++: Finally a show that shows what a real future would look like. None of this Picardian "Let's talk about it and be friends" crap. And what's this? We finally get to see a bathroom! Over on that Enterprise, they've been holding it for over seven years!
5+: Babylon 5 certainly presents a fresh perspective in the Sci-Fi universe. I watch it weekly.
5: I've seen it, I am pretty indifferent to it.
5-: This show is sub-par. The acting is wooden, the special effects are obviously poor quality. In general, it seems like a very cheap Star Trek ripoff.
5--: You call this Sci-Fi? That is such a load of crap! This show is just a soap with bad actors, piss-poor effects, and lame storylines. Puh-leese.

X-Files

The Fox Network's Friday evening show The X-Files has become the staple of Friday geekhood. Any show that has aliens, governmental conspiracies, aliens, psychic powers, aliens, and other weird stuff is, by definition, a geeky show.

X++++: I am Chris Carter
X+++: This is the BEST show on TV, and it's about time. I've seen everything David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson have ever done that been recorded and I'm a loyal Duchovny/ Gillian Anderson fan. I've Converted at least 10 people. I have every episode at SP, debate the fine details on-line, and have a credit for at least 2 YAXAs.
X++: This is one of the better shows I've seen. I wish I'd taped everything from the start at SP, because I'm wearing out my EP tapes. I'll periodically debate online. I've Converted at least 5 people. I've gotten a YAXA.
X+: I've Converted my family and watch the show when I remember. It's really kinda fun.
X: Ho hum. Just another Fox show.
X-: It's ok if you like paranoia and conspiracy stories, but, let's face it, it's crap.
X--: If I wanted to watch this kind of stuff, I'd talk to Oliver Stone

Role Playing

Role-playing games such as Dungeons & Dragons have long been a part of the traditional geek life. Because geeks often become so involved in their role-playing that they lose touch with reality, include one of the following role-playing codes.

R+++: I've written and published my own gaming materials.
R++: There is no life outside the role of the die. I know all of piddly rules of (chosen game). _MY_ own warped rules scare the rest of the players.
R+: I've got my weekly sessions set up and a character that I know better than I know myself.
R: Role-Playing? That's just something to do to kill a Saturday afternoon
R-: Gosh, what an utter waste of time!
R--: Role-Players are instruments of pure evil.
R---: I work for T$R.
R*: I thought life WAS role-playing?

Television

Many geeks have lives that revolve around television.

tv+++: There's nothing I can experience "out there" that I can't see coming over my satellite dish. I wish there were MORE channels. I live for the O.J. Trial.
tv++: I just leave the tv on, to make sure I don't miss anything.
tv+: I watch some tv every day.
tv: I watch only the shows that are actually worthwhile, such as those found on PBS.
tv-: I watch tv for the news and 'special programming.'
tv--: I turn my tv on during natural disasters.
!tv: I do not own a television.

Books

In addition (or maybe on the other hand), many geeks have lives that revolve around books.

b++++: I read a book a day. I have library cards in three states. I have discount cards from every major bookstore. I've ordered books from another country to get my Favorite Author Fix.
b+++: I consume a few books a week as part of a staple diet.
b++: I find the time to get through at least one new book a month.
b+: I enjoy reading, but don't get the time very often.
b: I read the newspaper and the occasional book.
b-: I read when there is no other way to get the information.
b--: I did not actually READ the geek code, I just had someone tell me.

Dilbert

Simply the geekiest comic strip in existence. http://www.unitedmedia.com/comics/dilbert/ for more information.

DI+++++: I am Scott Adams.
DI++++: I've received mail from Scott Adams. I'm in the DNRC (Dogbert's New Ruling Class).
DI+++: I am a Dilbert prototype
DI++: I work with people that act a lot like Dilbert and his boss.
DI+: I read Dilbert daily, often understanding it
DI: I read Dilbert infrequently, rarely understanding it
DI-: Is that the comic about the engineers?
DI--: Don't read it, but I think the dog is kinda cute.
DI---: I don't think it's funny to make fun of managers trying their best to run their organizational units.

DOOM!

There is a game out for the PCs and other computers called DOOM. It's a 3D virtual reality simulation where you race around and blow things away with large-caliber weaponry. This has led to a series of similar games such as the Star Wars themed Dark Forces. Tell us about your abilities with these 3D games. (yes, some of them aren't actually Doom. Cope!)

D++++: I work for iD Software.
D+++: I crank out PWAD files daily, complete with new monsters, weaponry, sounds and maps. I'm a DOOM God. I can solve the original maps in nightmare mode with my eyes closed.
D++: I've played the shareware version and bought the real one and I'm actually pretty good at the game. I occasionally download PWAD files and play them too.
D+: It's a fun, action game that is a nice diversion on a lazy afternoon.
D: I've played the game and I'm pretty indifferent.
D-: I've played the game and really didn't think it was all that impressive.
D--: It's an overly-violent game and pure crap
D---: To hell with Doom, I miss Zork.
D----: I've seen better on my Atari 2600

The Geek Code

G+++++: I am Robert Hayden
G++++: I have made a suggestion for future versions of the code (note that making a suggestion just to get a G++++ rating doesn't count, you also have to at least qualify for a G+++ rating :-)
G+++: I have memorized the entire geek code, and can decode others' codes in my head. I know by heart where to find the current version of the code on the net.
G++: I know what each letter means, but sometimes have to look up the specifics.
G+: I was once G++ (or higher), but the new versions are getting too long and too complicated.
G: I know what the geek code is and even did up this code.
G-: What a tremendous waste of time this Geek Code is.
G--: Not only a waste of time, but it obviously shows that this Hayden guy needs a life.

LIFESTYLE

Geeks, unlike the lower lifeforms known as nerds, have lives. They have things to do that are in the outside world. Of course, this is usually done with other geeks, but that's not the point. The point is,, that geeks are not necessarily the outcasts society often believes they are. The fact is that society isn't kool enough to be included in our activities.

Education

All geeks have a varying amount of education.

e+++++: I am Stephen Hawking
e++++: Managed to get my Ph.D.
e+++: Got a Masters degree
e++: Got a Bachelors degree
e+: Got an Associates degree
e: Finished High School
e-: Haven't finished High School
e--: Haven't even entered High School
e*: I learned everything there is to know about life from the "Hitchhiker's Trilogy".

Housing

Tell us about your geeky home.

h++: Living in a cave with 47 computers and an Internet feed, located near a Dominoes pizza. See !d.
h+: Living alone, get out once a week to buy food, no more than once a month to do laundry. All surfaces covered.
h: Friends come over to visit every once in a while to talk about Geek things. There is a place for them to sit.
h-: Living with one or more registered Geeks.
h--: Living with one or more people who know nothing about being a Geek and refuse to watch Babylon 5.
h---: Married, (persons living romantically with someone might as well label themselves h---, you're as good as there already.)
h----: Married with children - Al Bundy can sympathize
h!: I am stuck living with my parents!
h*: I'm not sure where I live anymore. This lab/workplace seems like home to me.

Relationships

While many geeks are highly successful at having relationships, a good many more are not. Give us the gritty details.

r+++: Found someone, dated, and am now married.
r++: I've dated my current S.O. for a long time.
r+: I date frequently, bouncing from one relationship to another.
r: I date periodically.
r-: I have difficulty maintaining a relationship.
r--: People just aren't interested in dating me.
r---: I'm beginning to think that I'm a leper or something, the way people avoid me like the plague.
!r: I've never had a relationship.
r*: signifying membership in the SBCA (Sour Bachelor(ette)'s Club of America). The motto is 'Bitter, but not Desperate'. First founded at Caltech.
r%: I was going out with someone, but the asshole dumped me.

Sex

Geeks have traditionally had problems with sex (ie, they never have any). Because geeks are so wrapped up in their sexuality (or lack of sexuality for that matter), it is important that the geek be willing to quantify their sexual experiences.

This code also is used to denote the gender of the geek. Females use x in this category, while males use y. Those that do not wish to disclose their gender can use z. For example:

x+: A female who has had sex
y+: A male who has had sex.
z+: A person (gender undisclosed) who has had sex.

For those persons who do not wish to give out any details of their sex life, the use of z? (where z is the gender code) will allow you to do so.

z+++++
I am Madonna
z++++
I have a few little rug rats to prove I've been there. Besides, with kids around, who has time for sex?
z+++
I'm married, so I can get it (theoretically) whenever I want.
z++
I was once referred to as 'easy'. I have no idea where that might have come from though.
z+
I've had real, live sex.
z
I've had sex. Oh! You mean with someone else? Then no.
z-
Not having sex by choice.
z--
Not having sex because I just can't get any...
z---
Not having sex because I'm a nun or a priest.
z*
I'm a pervert.
z
I've been known to make perverts look like angels.
!z
Sex? What's that? I've had no sexual experiences.
z?
It's none of your business what my sex life is like (this is used to denote your gender only).
!z+**
Sex? What's that? No experience, willing to learn!

How to Display Your Code

Now that you have your ratings for each of the above categories, it's time to assemble your code for displaying to the world. Take each category you determined and list them all together with one space between each one. If you run out space on one line, continue it on the next. When completed, it will look something like the following:

GED/J d-- s:++>: a-- C++(++++) ULU++ P+ L++ E---- W+(-) N+++ o+ K+++ w--- O- M+ V-- PS++>$ PE++>$ Y++ PGP++ t- 5+++ X++ R+++>$ tv+ b+ DI+++ D+++ G+++++ e++ h r-- y++**

If you are going to place your Geek Code into your .signature or .plan file (highly recommended), you should create your GEEK CODE BLOCK. This parody of the output created by the PGP program will attempt to universalize how you will see the Geek Code around the net. Your GEEK CODE BLOCK will look like the following:

-----BEGIN GEEK CODE BLOCK-----
Version: 3.1
GED/J d-- s:++>: a-- C++(++++) ULU++ P+ L++ E---- W+(-) N+++ o+ K+++ w--- O- M+ V-- PS++>$ PE++>$ Y++ PGP++ t- 5+++ X++ R+++>$ tv+ b+ DI+++ D+++ G+++++ e++ h r-- y++**
------END GEEK CODE BLOCK------

As you can see, the actual code hasn't changed. However, the version number of the code you are using is displayed along with lines starting and ending the code. Make sure to duplicate the start and end lines exactly as the example in order to maintain a net-wide standard (ie. five dashes front and back for the BEGIN line and six for the END line, and all capital letters.)

"HELP!" you scream as your mailer or news reader won't let you post more than four lines in the .signature. That is because some anal programs limit the size of your signature. Your next best bet, then is to put your GEEK CODE BLOCK into your .plan file and put something to the effect of "Finger for Geek Code" into your .signature. That, or get a better mailer.

VERSION

3.12

AUTHOR

Robert A. Hayden <[email protected]>

This man-page was written by Jan Schaumann <[email protected]> as part of "The Missing Man Pages Project". Please see http://www.netmeister.org/misc/m2p2/index.html for details.